I did some actual work today!

Before it started, I was very hesitant to stop wasting time browsing the internet.

Now, I am very excited to do my job.

I am learning a lot, and this will be good for solidifying and developing my engineering skills.

Excellent.

Nothing more to do today, though. Guess I'll leave early.

I have been sick since Wednesday.

I think that I acted too pitifully - I mean, I made things look worse than they actually were.

I suspect part of it was self-deception as well.

My father is extremely tough. His activities do not change much when he falls ill. He even works out to "punish" his sickness.
Of course, he's pretty crazy.
But that means it's all in his head.

I think there's a power in what I called "self-deception" (an unecessarily negative name for it) - a power that can be turned to my benefit. I'll start trying to use it.

Perhaps I'll begin by Getting Pissed!!

I enjoy the different seasons - which is one reason for liking Michigan. We experience each season in full.

My favorite season is Lent. It starts on Wednesday.

I thought about giving up different things. In particular, I am interested in spending less money, eating less, and wasting less time entertaining myself, alone.

In the end, I decided to do something extra for Lent. I am going to spend at least ten minutes in focused prayer each morning, afternoon, and evening.

I feel like I really need to pray more. I keep losing sight of things that are important to me. Hopefully, as I remind and recommit myself again and again throughout the day, I will be strengthened by focus and grace to live better.

I am also toying with the idea of limiting the amount of time I spend entertaining myself alone. Say, no more than two consecutive hours. Hmm. Yeah, that's probably a good idea.


Lent is really my favorite season because of its spirit, rather than its practice.

The Christian faith supports many different approaches to living well - including different spiritual approaches. One of the spiritual practices that brings me particular grace & consolation (typically in the form of contrition followed by peace) is a focus on Christ's passion (His suffering and death).

Kristy visited last weekend.

We fenced as a team in a couples tournament - an amazing idea; unfortunately, turnout was only 3 teams. Nevertheless, it was fun.
We also had a long lunch with our longtime mentor & fencing coach.

I seem to be falling more in love with her as time goes on.
It is starting to become painful how much I miss her, especially shortly after we separate after a visit.
I have no idea whether that is good or bad or what I should do about it. I am not even certain of that conclusion regarding the feelings I am experiencing.

I know that I am a very emotional person, although I can't be sure how relatively "strong" my emotions are to other people's - just that they affect me powerfully.
I believe that while my emotions led me to crazy/foolish/wild actions as a child, I learned to control/express them very well (relatively well, even) over time.
I need to have faith that the emotions that come with my romantic relationship will not overpower me.
The alternative...

I emailed a friend today about what's been going on in my life. I realized that I haven't reflected on things at a broad scale in a while.

Combined with my current idle state at work, I decided to post again, and commit to posting about once each week, at least.

Thanks Noah and Kai for sticking with me.


After being out of school for a month, I started volunteering at my old high school, University of Detroit Jesuit, full-time. I was there for about three weeks, prefecting classes and student-teaching. It was pretty good.

Two weeks ago, I was suddenly invited to interview for an engineering job at a company that my uncle works for. I was offered the position last week, and I wasn't sure if I should take it.

I was disappointed in my failure to really pursue an engineering job during my last semester. Also, my parents really wanted me to do what they consider "real" work. Finally, the engineering job will pay much more and challenge me much more. Even so, U of D was a good environment - it offered good opportunities for reading, prayer, learning, exercise, and fellowship, and I was taking many of these opportunities.

In the end, I decided to ask the principal to let me go. She suprised me with a very supportive affirmation. The school really does have a great community.

So, now I am basically waiting to be trained here. Waiting...

Hmm.

Also, I started volunteering in Providence Hospital's emergency room. I expected amazing jobs like using CPR and taking blood and stuff, but instead I serve people food and clean beds, and mostly either talk with patients or do nothing. The staff there are nice enough but completely failed to welcome or include me.

Valentine's day today. Kristy is coming home this weekend; we are planning to play in a double's fencing tournament on saturday. Should be fun!

My parents are buying a new house. My mom is going to move out for her new job, while my dad stays in Livonia. It seems very strange to me. They made an offer, but when the inspector came, he found some collapsing walls(!) so the dealing continues.


Overall, life is good. I just wish I could be more faithful to my intentions and purpose.